Pearl Jam

I know that there are at least a couple of you out there who like to read what I write. And it is to you that I apologize that the Oliver McBubbins story has consumed me lately. However, it is a very exciting project that also involves writing, and there's only so much time for that with a family that I love so dearly.

But I'm back. And if you're anything like me, you like to know some things about the author. When I like a book, I'll read the "about the author" many times as I wrap my reading up for the night. I'm not really sure why, but it makes me feel closer to them. Just know that once the story that is being written is done, you'll know plenty about (at least) one author.

As an aside, one of the reasons I love the story so much is that it is letting me express what I believe to be universal truths in a way that is enjoyable to read. I am determined not to beat people over the head with what I believe, but I feel a strong need to express in words what I think everyone feels deep down inside yet cannot explain.

Which leads me to the point of this "story." I am made up of many things; my mother, father, environment growing up, influence of friends, experiences, interests, aptitudes...the list can go on for a long time. But a certain band has recently announced a new tour and is releasing an album soon, and it has reminded me that I most certainly would not be Who I Am without their influence. I would like to share with you the importance that music can have on a person.

Of course, I am talking about Pearl Jam.

It may be interesting to think that a band best remembered for flannel shirts and grunge music can be so important. Many people don't know that they're still around. I for one sometimes wonder if I'm becoming that old person watching their favorite band at the county fair - that the times have completely passed me by.

I don't think that's possible, in this instance. I'll explain why that is.

Pearl Jam has always paralleled my life. At first, they were raw emotion and I was 17. Enough said. But they were right on the heels of a generation of meaningless lyrics, and Eddie Vedder was introspective. It was like a light bulb went on for me. I thought they were speaking for me, and amazingly they were popular. Which meant a lot of people felt like me.

But that emotion quickly turned to anger. The band was angry about their loss of privacy, while I was simply rebelling against my mother. This lasted from 1994-1995, at which time my mother and I (coincidentally?) had our biggest fights. It's when she had the grace to kick me out of the house. I had somewhere to go though - Vitalogy. Nice and angry at the "establishment" while being musically excellent. It was like a mirror for me.

But then I moved to Seattle, started reading about a variety of beliefs, and looked inside of myself for a source of strength. I started taking things slowly, controlling my emotional state. I meditated. I wrote. I listened to the Grateful Dead and I explored some things that I probably shouldn't write about here (but you may be able to guess). I actually started growing up. And that concerned me with regards to Pearl Jam.

They had an album, No Code, coming out in 1996. I hoped against hope that it would not be angry, because I didn't have that much anger left inside of me anymore. I was in Seattle at the time, and that's (fittingly) where I bought the album. I took it to the hotel I was staying at, apprehensively put it in my discman, and pressed play. The first thing I heard was this.

I was completely blown away. For the first three albums I was the student. This time, it felt like the band had caught up to ME! Ironically, this was the first album they put out that didn't sell a bazillion copies, but I didn't care at all. We could still be friends.

The journey of self-discovery wove its way through the next two albums, Yield and Binaural. This was the era when I saw them the most, traveling as far as the UK to do so. (Brad and I also drove across the country and did a mini-tour as soon as I settled my priest/molestation trial. This saved my sanity). The thing about Pearl Jam is the live experience. First off, they're really freaking good. Second, Eddie is obviously connected to the fans. And each show gives another glimpse into what he stands for and what they are all about as a band. By now I have put together a pretty nice quilt made up of patches of belief and connection gathered at each show.

Which brings me closer to the present. I need to say that I don't like war. At all. This isn't a very strong statement viewed in a vacuum, and I understand that the world does not operate in one. That being said, there were plenty of people who thought that war was a good idea because it was packaged in a box of fear and sold by some pretty convincing cowboys. Since I am not a moron and I remembered how not-in-any-way-threatening Iraq was in the early nineties, I felt like perhaps a coalition to remove Saddam Hussein from power would be better than "shock and awe" wrapped in an American flag.

So I was pissed.

By now you may have guessed that Pearl Jam was too. Check out Riot Act if you don't believe me. Green Day and Radiohead got more publicity for their anti-Bush efforts, and that's because they were more direct. What I love (and sometimes am frustrated with) about Pearl Jam is that they barely ever go after people. They simply state their truths, and you can take it or leave it. There is some anger, and there is always hope. Perhaps it's ignorance, or maturity, but at least it's hope.

And in the midst of all the crap, Pearl Jam quietly gave us this. I know Eddie can be difficult to understand, so here are the lyrics if you need them. (And for those of you who email me and wonder what it means, lbc stands for Love Boat Captain).

The next album, which was self-titled, further questioned our go-it-alone strategy and offered a voice of support to the average working person. This is one reason I love them so much - in spite of all the success they are still grounded. They still relate.

And now that I am searching so desperately for what to do next, I wonder what gift I will receive on September 20th. I wonder if they will reverse what happened with No Code and somehow, some way, show me what to do next. I know it seems implausible and immature to rely on a band for direction and I'm really not. But would you blame me if I did?