Thank You

My mother hates me. I'm sure of it.

You see, my father-in-law was in town to celebrate a birthday, and I honored him only a few days later. Now, the woman who was divorced when I was five was just very happily married, and here it is over two weeks later. And I'm just now writing about it. So she probably hates me.

Sorry Mom! (And it is possible that getting married two weeks before my brother Pete may have delayed this too, but I'm taking full responsibility here).

Mom married Bob Pawloski on May 9, in a zoo. Kind of fitting on so many levels, but especially because my mom spent many years raising wild animals of her own. I am very proud to be a part of Bob's family. He is excellent, and his family is great too. Knowing he's there makes living so far away much easier. Here is a picture of the loving couple on their wedding day:


I would like you to know that I haven't talked about my mother until now. I was waiting for this moment to honor her. At a time when she is truly happy. So I guess this better be good.

This is a difficult task, where even the beginning is a tough place to find. I'm not so good chronologically. I'm going to opt for random, which means I will inevitably forget something really important. But mostly this is my arena, and I'm curious to see what will pop up.

The first thing is baseball. I'm a year-and-a-half older than Pete, and Adam and Dan are nearly five years younger than me. The leagues in Oswego were 8-12, 13-15, and 16-18. So there were times when Pete and I were on the same team, and Adam and Dan almost always were. But at one point I was 16, Pete was 15, and Adam and Dan were 11. Yes, three different teams. And Oswego had this thing for playing all leagues on the same day. So if you're thinking that we'd have three different games on one day, you are correct!

And how many of these games do you think my mother would attend. Three. Not once, or even every once in a while, but almost always. The only thing that could limit her to two was when my team would play an hour away. Unless she decided to come with me, which meant she was traveling an hour each way instead of watching two games. These were the choices.

Plus, she was always so supportive. I think everyone knows "Little League Parents." She was never one of those. She was so proud of us, but I never heard a negative word. Just the typical, extremely embarrassing, "That's my son! And did you know he's Italian?!" (Maybe not the last bit, but she was thinking it at least).

Which reminds me, she was a single mom the whole time. She had four boys five years apart. Boys. Four. Four boys. 1 Boy x 4 = 4 Boys. No matter how you put it together, not good. I have one boy. That's quite enough, thank you. But she had four, and raised us working mostly odd jobs. Plus she was too stubborn to take welfare (although not suicidal enough to deny food stamps - have I mentioned four boys?). We had a place to live thanks in small part to HUD, and in large, large part due to Mom's singular drive. She was determined to do a good job.

She made $8,000 one year. Cleaning houses. I never remember being hungry at all. I never remember needing clothes. I don't remember feeling poor. My Mom would always say, "we may not have a lot, but we are rich with love." That always made me feel good.

Surely she sacrificed her own happiness in order to make this happen. No new clothes, no impulse purchases, crappy old cars. And not many dates. Let's be honest: how many men want to date a woman who has children, much less four? If one in a thousand gets through that filter, how many people want to babysit those four boys? Especially when the mom can't pay very well? Finally, how many men are going to be approved of by the children of a divorced mom? Especially protective children.

Dating was not easy. This point is very important here. It is one of the main reasons that her current marriage brings me such joy. Not only did she meet a WONDERFUL man, but she finally got a chance to be free. I never realized it at the time, but my mother is a human too. She was always Mom to me, but what person among us does not crave companionship? And I know my mom loves me too much to ever call me a hindrance to her personal happiness, but the fact of the matter is that in at least a couple ways my brothers and I were. Mom, I know that I brought you a lot of happiness throughout your life, but what I'm talking about is different. And I appreciate that you put your life on hold for ours, but you can understand that I am happy (and relieved) to see you living for yourself. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.

Gladly, somehow my mother found time to be a great cook. Especially if the food being prepared had a tomato sauce somewhere in the recipe. (Yes, Bob, that very same red sauce that now splatters all over your kitchen). We had stuffed shells, meatballs, chicken parmigiana, lasagna, ziti, gnocchi, spaghetti, linguine, drills (whatever they're really called I have no idea), and back to the beginning again. She must have eaten copiously while she prepared these meals, because she never did start eating until after we were all done. She'd just run around the table spooning more onto our plates and worrying herself sick that we were all too skinny and about to die of starvation. So if she didn't eat in the kitchen, there must have been nights where she didn't eat at all. We were bottomless. Dan still is.

(I am now hungry, and it's past 11 at night. This is a quandry.).

I know it would be a huge omission to not talk about our lawsuit, but I don't want the subject here to change from my mom to something which is very attention grabbing and needs a lot of space to be told. So I'll just say that while we were suing, Mom probably drove 100,000 miles. Probably more.

One night we came home late from cerfew. OK, probably a lot more than one night, but I'm talking about one in particular here. I thought quickly (and drunkenly), and said, "the clock at the pizzeria is slow." I was feeling pretty good about myself. Until Mom called the pizzeria. My mom was not stupid. Upon discovering that the clock there was in fact synchronized with ours, we were in big trouble. Mom took away the Sega for the whole next day. Which started a huge fight. Man I was a jerk. I was drunk and late, video games got taken away for one day, and I still fought. Sorry Mom. I didn't know how good I had it.

Since I want people to actually read all of this, I should probably stop soon. Clearly this doesn't do 33+ years of top-notch mothering justice, clearly a zillion stories are left untold, and clearly I could NEVER, no matter how great of a writer I became, accurately portray how much I love Mom and how much she has meant to me becoming the man I am. Thank you Mom. I love you.

But I can't end without the most important part. When I was 19, Mom kicked me out of the house. I was a loser, and I deserved it. But now that I am a father, I cannot imagine how difficult that must have actually been. My eyes get misty just thinking about it. But it needed to be done, and my mother was wise enough to know it. And courageous enough to do it. Nothing changed overnight, but soon enough it snapped me out of my comfortable existence and I began to mature into the man that I am today. I am not the best person ever made, but I'm far from the worst. I am a loving and dedicated husband, a loving and caring father, and a true friend to many people. I like to make people smile. I actually care if someone else is doing well or not. I open the door for strangers. I say "please" and "thank you." I try to be aware of what is going on in my world. I donate money to charity. I work hard whether someone is watching or not. I have integrity.

All thanks to mother's wisdom and courage, I have these things. And so much more.


Thank you.